Are You Really “Too Jealous” For Nonmonogamy?
Jealousy isn’t always what it seems. Is it worth getting more specific?
“I could never do that — I’m way too jealous!”
I’m sitting at a restaurant, listening to some friends talk about swinging. They are not fans of the concept. What they don’t know is that my husband and I play in swinger circles from time to time as part of our open, ethically nonmonogamous relationship. Our friends that we hang out with when we’re not with this group? Swingers. Our annual vacation to Jamaica? At a swinger resort. I’m tempted to open my mouth and blow our cover just to blow their minds.
Instead, I probe into this idea of jealousy.
“When you say you’re jealous, do you mean you would feel insecure? Or possessive?”
“YES, all of the above,” my friend says. “I don’t want anyone else touching my man. Also, what if she’s hotter than me,” she says, then laughs.
When people open their relationship, I think there’s an expectation that “sharing” their partner with others will feel overwhelming and intolerable. We call this jealousy. Underneath this jealousy is often fear, a worry that our partner will leave us for someone else
